Being a dad has been the best things in the world, as well as the most frustrating thing in the world, while also being the most rewarding thing in the world. For those of you that think being the stay at home parent is easy and/or you can do what ever you want let me tell ya it’s NOT. Add a pandemic that prevents you from going out and getting the kids tired by playing outside or just taking a nice walk…yeah things just got harder.
It’s been six months since Isabella’s birth, crazy to think it’s already been a half a year. This has been an awful year, she definitely is one of the few positive things I can say I take away for 2020. Cindy started full time work again three weeks ago, which means life in the house is now very-very different. I don’t mind it, I love spending all this extra time with my children. Watching Isabella grow and change in just SIX months words can not describe…trust me I’ve tried to think of one. However with all the good, comes the crazy as I call it (because it’s not bad). Some days Isabella wont want to rest very long, or will require a little more attention. Others Tommy will want to do something for a while. Not to mention all the other known things that parents do on a daily bases PLUS shopping at night and doing dinner. I’m not complaining, for me I’m having a wonderful time doing most of it…shopping *shutter* oy how stores are right now. I love it, I’ve loved every minute of it. Not saying that I don’t call “your turn” when everyone comes home to get some work and relaxing done, I DO haha, but I don’t mind any of it. Like right now as I’m writing this I’m home alone, Tommy is on his tablet, Izza is resting and all is quiet…I have no idea how long it will last, but for the moment it’s peaceful.
When I first started being the stay at home parent three years ago Tommy was already two and a half going on three in a few months. So I never had to take care of a BABY. Also my father was still alive and he gave me breaks to read, record, or go out and get stuff I needed instead of having to wait until Cindy came home. Even though he fell asleep once while watching Tommy which caused a HUGE problem and for a long while after I was too paranoid to leave Tommy with anyone (long story I don’t not wish to relive). Now things are totally different.
Believe it or not this is the second post already I’m doing this on, but from this point on its been nearly a week since what I wrote above. Honestly trying to figure out what I wanted to say next took me a while to figure out and then other things happen and well here we are continuing. I promise this will not be an recurring thing too often. It’s just sometimes talking things out with a close friend (Brant) helps me put things in better perspective for myself.
Where this post originally was going to summarize; having a now six month old baby and being the only person in the house for about six to eight hours a day taking care of two children means less time to read and record like I had before. Before I had my father at least to watch Tommy while I recorded a video or read a few books, now I do not. When I first started my work from home Tommy already was two and a half, Isabella is six months aka needs a lot more attention. So reviews may not happen every week for the next couple of years since my family is the most important thing for me right now. What I also was going to mention was that just cause I wont be able to read as fast or do reviews as much as I was before I did notice I’m still able to do shorter videos like most anticipated and other videos that don’t go beyond forty minutes. That was where this post originally was going and still is but i learned a bit more so hopefully you’ll follow me a bit longer.
The past has been my greatest obstacle. No matter how much I tried to move on from it, somehow eventually it would circle back in my mind. I’ve been drained, this year has been a VERY draining year for me emotionally. From several sources both online and then Brant I finally came to certain conclusions that maybe will help me finally be able to move forward. The one thing I kept reading about and Brant has told me on more than one occasion is to let go of the past. That has been the most difficult hurdle I think for me this year because of the amount of stuff that happened in such a short time. It’s rough cause I’ve been so angry there were so many things I wanted to say, literally tear into someone (verbally) I haven’t talked to in a long time. There was a time (very short) where I wanted to physically hurt this person because of how they literally came in did something and then walked off like they knew what was right and their word is fact instead of opinion. That’s not me, I don’t believe in violence. I spent enough time with these negative thoughts and feelings. The crazy part is, I still love them, I think that’s why I’ve spent too much time thinking about this and letting the past get to me. I’m done, completely, I have to be. I will get over this hurdle for my family, myself, and the people that I know want to see me happy and want to see me succeed in everything I do.
I watched a video a few days ago talking about True Purpose. I’ll share the link if you would like to watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ar05F-LnWQ . After watching this video I started thinking really hard about a lot of things. About myself, my work, life, all of it. That’s where I met my next challenge. It was brought up to me but honestly it’s true, I’ve always worked in a team big or just 2 people I rarely every worked on my own with a lot of projects. Now this year I find myself stating it as if I lost something, instead of looking at it positively. Brant again hit the nail on the head, this year I’m searching for my own voice. That’s what makes us all unique we all have our own individual voice and for so long I’ve worked with people so my voice was part of a collective or a team. NOW I’m discovering who I am and what I can do. That’s when a lot of the focuses don’t change they get refined. I’ve been going about things like I did with others, and for just me maybe those specific goals or ways don’t fit ME. So now lets change that.
In Celestial Falcon the fist issue Chris asks his mom “am I special”, of course his brother laughed and his mom replied of course he is. We all are we all have things about ourselves that make us special, unique. We’re all here for a reason, we just have to find it. I have a strong idea why I was put on this world and yes its my family but beyond my family I have a good idea what my purpose is, and it’s not in a cookie cutter cut out of what people expect you to be in life either. I know it’s something, beyond the norm. It’s some thing…more! Something I didn’t even see until I started to look really hard and deep in life. It’s like the covers to the next Celestial Falcon issue I walked in one way and now I’m coming out as something more than even I could imagine.
I’m finding my voice and it’s going to be see in videos, and on this site. This is the one place where my voice all across the internet can be heard. I plan on using this to its highest potential. Being a father is the most important thing in my life right now, writing is a passion I was born with, and doing videos/streams/live shows to entertain and make people happy which I love. Currently nothing I work on youtube wise has any type of revenue nor does doing work on this site, not complaining “I need to make money” just making mention of it for my next point.
Everything for the most part is not monetized. Looking at it now so many years later being on youtube, when I did have monetization I made hardly anything and losing it didn’t kill my income at all because there hardly was anything to be had in the first place. Honestly looking at it now four thousand hours viewed within a few months to be able to get monetization on your videos makes sense looking at it now, because then at least there would be a substantial amount of revenue from all the views on the channel. For a while there I was treating this as a job or a would be job. This is not my job, that’s writing, anything else is for entertainment purposes only. So old mindset out the door, sadly “factors” in the past influenced the mindset of old, but these are new times now and with new times comes great possibilities.
I know I promised for this year on DarkAvengerC86 (my comic channel) I was going to do nothing new, it was a year of building only. I plan to stick to that promise, and maybe carry it over one more year into 2021. However I have been planning a few new things outside of DarkAvengerC86. A lot of it has to do with this site right here, because this is going to be the hub so to speak. So stay tuned to this website as the Shooting Star Network is born and while most of it will be stuff I’m doing there just might be some new and old faces joining me on my journeys. I would sit here and list all the cool stuff I have outlined in my head, but again I think it’s best to wait and show case it as I post them…this way also if the idea doesn’t happen at least I didn’t announce or tease it so no empty promises.
I am going to work on making video posts on here because while I know there’s a beautiful playlist on the main page to all of the channels I work on. Somethings posts just will work better. Most videos will get their own individual post, but some I may group together like the card openings. Instead of doing a post for each video, I’ll do a weekly recap. I’ll still also be working on posts as well, especially now that the news letter is growing I want everyone to have content when they come to this website. This is my hub, this is my HQ, this is my home, THIS is where I work!
So now it’s not about Youtube, Twitch, or any other site. It’s all about Shooting Star Universe! Don’t let me confuse you I still will be posting my videos to youtube on both known and NEW channels. Old series and New ones. Make no mistake new adventures are on the horizon and it’s going to be an interesting trip. My heart still very much is comic books, it’s just my focus has shifted to my own work and my own brand. So what more can I say except, subscribe to the youtube channels you like whether it be one, two, or all of them, subscribe to the twitch if you enjoy gaming streams, and keep an eye on this site. My goal is to have something for all of you at least once a day. This is going to be fun and remember ALWAYS…follow the shooting star!